We have a miracle baby joining our pack in early March and I’ve been terrified and humbled at every turn. I was told for over 8 years that I would not be able to have children by multiple providers at a number of renowned facilities. My story is unique, just like others, but maybe you’ll be able to find some ideas or hope as I share the incredible journey I’ve been through to be given the chance to bring this miraculous human into the world.

I love sharing my story, not to boast, but to give hope and inspiration to those that might need to hear it either to know they’re not alone, or to find insights that might help them to feel better and find their own answers.

I grew up tiny; like, concernedly small, to the point where my poor mother had me tested frequently for possible forms of growth delay or dwarfism.

I didn’t get my period until I was 4 months shy of 18 years old, despite having a decent body fat percentage for my height (barely touching 5′). I was then diagnosed with central hypothyroidism (non-reversable) at age 19 and went on medication to stabilize the fact that I was falling asleep at every turn, was losing hair in fistfulls, and kept shattering my nails.

 

*For those who don’t know, hypothyroidism comes with a slew of problems, one of which is inconsistencies in menstruation.* To have irregular periods was expected and didn’t excite my doctor. However…

After three years, thyroid meds seemed to stop working. My period was all but gone after only about 3, maybe 4 years of spotty menstruation. My endocrinologist offered an MRI to “rule out” a pituitary adenoma (a benign tumor that sits in the center of your brain and presses on your “master” hormone gland, the pituitary). Odds would have it, I did have one (small in size and manageable with meds).

Great! An answer to prayers! I’ll finally feel better and have energy and have female hormones and cycles! I know having a cycle is cumbersome to most, but there are so many critical roles it plays in the female body from bone health, to hormone regulation (and don’t forget this includes energy, sugar, and sleep hormone regulation).

I went on the appropriate medication (Cabergoline) for it and went on my merry way. I thought I was feeling better and had a period here and there, so I was satisfied. However, it was short lived and I began to feel numb and tired again.

The Problem Continues…

By my mid-late 20’s, I was once again amenorrheic (without a period) and knew that if I ever wanted to have a baby, I had better be proactive about searching for answers again, despite not being married to start a family of my own.

My blood work was nearly void of estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone, and I was passed through 3 different doctors before finding someone who was willing to look outside the box. Crysty was a naturopath who thought about my gut health in conjunction with my hormone imbalances and tried multiple different avenues to make things work. She and I found a bit of success, but I can still remember an appointment we had 2 years after working together when she looked down at the paper results of my labs and said “WHERE are your hormones? This doesn’t make sense!”

I tried two OB’s, one of which after 9 months of investigation finally decided I was in menopause at the age of 28 and kindly asked me to stop seeing him.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with you.”

He sent me to Mayo Clinic.

Mayo Clinic tested me for a genetic disorder called Turner’s Syndrome, found it was negative, and said they didn’t have an answer, but that there’s no way I could reeeallly be in menopause. 2 visits and $816 later, they sent me away with a birth control pill.

Barrow’s Neurological Institute took their turn with my adenoma and claimed it could be something called a Rathke’s Cleft Cyst and that it was misdiagnosed for the past 7 years. Yes! Another answer! Just remove it!

….well it turns out it wasn’t in the right place to be removed, as claimed by two neurologic surgeons. $1760 later, I was told everything was “normal” and to return to my normal primary care doc. Hopeful, right? NOPE.

Plot Twist! 

In waltzes Matthew.

When I met the love of my life, I told him (on the second date, no less) that I would not be able to give him babies. He already had 3 spunky little girls, so I felt like this wouldn’t be too much of a deterrence. However, later on I would learn that he had felt, years before meeting me, that there was a baby still waiting in heaven for him. (Good thing he didn’t tell me that before marrying me!)

We decided to plunge into the world of IVF and get down and dirty with the preliminary workup. I had hope that this particular specialist was the right type of crunchy granola guy I was looking for. I was told that he tried multiple different diet and lifestyle changes prior to starting the IVF path. Surely there was something he could think of that we could try to increase our chances of getting pregnant.

He had one idea that worked right off the bat! He had me take a birth control pill, designed to take by mouth, and insert it vaginally. This was supposed to work differently than other birth controls (that never got me to bleed, just made me crazy) because of the difference in absorption modalities.

…it got me to start a period! And for four months, I consistently had one.

But that was the end of the good news. After 3 months of blood work and samples, we were told point-blank that our picture was so bleak (from both of our ends) that we could try IVF, but that even that wasn’t likely. Not to mention, they wouldn’t even start working me up for IVF until Matthew was seen by a specialist (two of which refused to see him because his diagnosis was too “specialized”).

Still “Broken”

I was devastated. But I still tried everything on his list of funky suggestions despite him saying to me, “You can try these things, but I’m betting it can’t work.”

He didn’t know me too well, because I dove in head first. It was overwhelming and seemed impossible. His suggestions were as follows:

• exercising with my HR above 140 for 20-30 minutes every day betwen 4-7 pm (try making THAT happen when you work 12 hours shifts…)
• Get 100g protein/day with most of it being vegan protein powder
• Eat 10g of protein at bedtime
• Take GABA 1600mg each night and sleep 10pm-6am (I wake up at 4:30am for work!)
• Limit carbs to 140 grams/day, & no carbs after 7:30 PM.
• Take Acyclovir 800 mg PO 3x/day for 4 weeks then 2x/day

*One important piece of information that I suspect played into my picture was the years I had spent working on fine tuning my diet to be as anti-inflammatory as possible. I now rarely eat gluten, corn, and soy.*

I tried these suggestions for 2 months while we chased urologists like madmen. Appointment after appointment was canceled and my depression and despair was growing. It was then that Matthew suggested we take a break…from it all.

He suggested we stop pursuing everything. Revisit it in a year. Look at fostering and adoption. But it wasn’t worth the pain he saw me going through grieving my harsh reality.

…and it wasn’t fair to our girls. Because for some reason, being a stepmom had suddenly become emotionally much harder and I’m sure they could feel it.

The most notable part of the story definitely comes from the faith and fasting of our (at-the-time) 7 year old little girl, Kendall.

There is Power in Faith & Fasting

A little over a month before I found out I was pregnant, she asked about fasting, a practice Matthew and I engage in within our religion to strengthen our relationship with our Heavenly Father. It is a special appeal for those righteous things we truly desire. We explained that it was a deeper effort to help our prayers be stronger…that we were asking Heavenly Father for extra blessings in our desire to have a baby and grow our family. She asked if she could join and fasted until lunch time with us.

When we broke our fast, she didn’t want to say the prayer for the three of us because she didn’t know what to say, but listened closely as Dad prayed to Heavenly Father to help our fast be effective, and for us to be able to have a baby, if that be His plan.

…Two months later, she joined us again in our fast, but this time to keep our miracle baby healthy and help it to grow. She also said the prayer to break the fast and told us how much she believed in the power of fasting. Every time I write or read those words, tears spring to my eyes in humble gratitude.

It’s a long and complicated story, but each detail humbles me in waves as I think of how blessed we are and how lucky I am to be able to bring this baby into the world.